Broadway is back and theater etiquette should be too.
Perhaps the biggest scandal of the 2023 Oscars — even more disrespectful than the iconic Will Smith slap of 2022 — wasn’t Angela Bassett’s reaction to Jamie Lee Curtis’ win or Jimmy Kimmel’s strange question for Malala about Spitgate.
It was wearing this white dress.
In the wake of this unfortunate event — unfortunate for everyone who was sitting behind her — I must remind you of the forgotten art of theater etiquette. When heading out for a night on Broadway, take some of these tips into consideration to avoid angering your fellow audience members or, God forbid, getting yelled at by a cast member in true Patti Lupone fashion.
First things first, I’m so glad that you’re finally seeing “Hamilton,” but I didn’t pay hundreds of dollars just to hear you try to sing all of the parts in “Nonstop.” Until you have the sultry voice of “Hamilton” star Miguel Cervantes, save the rapping for the bathroom at intermission.
It should go without saying, but no texting, calling, or recording — I prefer to watch my bootlegs from the comfort of my home rather than in real time over the shoulder of the person in front of me.
And, not that I condone illegal behavior, but if you’re going to take an audio recording, for goodness sake, be subtle about it.
If you’re anything like me, you set multiple alarms as reminders for the most trivial aspects of everyday life, but, when entering the theater, double check that your alarms are turned off before putting your phone on airplane mode.
If your phone does go off, be sure to act quickly so we don’t all have to suffer from the morning queasiness that we associate with the Apple ringtones. I will never forget the time when my least favorite alarm, “Radar,” played throughout the entire first act of “Hadestown.” Don’t be that person.
When selecting snacks, limit your options to the least noisy of candies — no one wants to listen to you munch on Peanut M&Ms or rifle through a box of Milk Duds. I find that gummy candies work well.
Parents, do yourself a favor and get a babysitter. Don’t bring your toddler to “Wicked.” We both know that the flying monkeys will traumatize them. It’ll be miserable for me when I have to listen to them bawling through “Defying Gravity” and miserable for you when you inevitably have to spend act two in the lobby, telling your crying child that flying monkeys, witches and scarecrows aren’t real (you’ll have to lie about that last one).
As you return to the theater post-pandemic, remember to be respectful of your fellow audience members and the cast onstage by refraining from chatting, singing and using your phone, and keeping bathroom breaks to a minimum.
And, as for the lesson that the white dress lady should have heeded, leave hats and obstructive headdresses at home and avoid fancy updos. It’s a night at the theater, not a Bridgerton ball.
留言